Karen Moore

    When you’re psychotic it’s a world of me, me, me. My last breakdown was fun. I was convinced this attractive person had hidden cameras and he was putting me on T.V. When they took me to the hospital I felt terribly deprived of a private moment.

   I was so overcharged I thought I was a walking atom bomb. I remember screaming and thinking, my God, is that my voice? Where is this coming from? I thought I had lost my soul.

   Outside the hospital, you’re checking yourself a lot to see — is that a normal reaction or is that a little off? Last week there were three people at work and all at once they went to the supervisor’s room. I was alone, thinking, well, should I be paranoid or not?

I enjoy my psychotic states. It’s a total freedom. All of your fantasies come true. Barry Manilow was on TV. and I was sure he was looking at me. I want more experiences like that. If I didn’t have to support myself, I’d stop my medications and just experience it.

I want to be psychotic again sometime. You strip bare this rotten personality and rebuild a new one. When I’m psychotic I get total emotional release. I’m expressive, but it’s to this imaginary audience. That’s the sad thing.