David Charter

The violence started when I was 14. I was drunk and I was breaking all the windows. Anger-fuck you, go to hell. I was institutionalized for uncontrollable behavior. Something about paranoid schizophrenia. I don't know.

When I was 21 my wife wanted to divorce me and I just snapped. I had one of these big bear knives and I tried to kill her.

In jail they found I had a mental history. So my public defender said, "Plead guilty, go to the state hospital, and try to get your ass some help-or you go to San Quentin."

The hospital was a fear world. I've always needed to be in control. I woke up one night and the bed next to me was on fire and the guy was jumping around and screaming, "I need help."

There were people that could not care for themselves. I helped them cut their meats up, protected them, became a part of their lives. And that was the start of helping myself. I could keep what I'd learned about being a tough person away from me.

And there was Julia, one of the psych nurses. I had just come through this disastrous divorce and Julia was just starting her divorce. I was able to hear the woman's side of it, of two people bonded. We had a lot in common.

My social worker and doctor said, "Hey, we see you wanting to help yourself." And I saw myself caring. "O.K., let me go. I'm going to finally live." I was 25 and I had grown up.

I've been out two years but it's still a transition period. I mean, it's not just the 8 months in the state hospital, it's the 27 year of my life. I fell like, "Hey, I can change the damn world." I'm considering becoming a psych nurse. Sometimes I don't even believe myself, saying that. The physical and emotional violence is gone, and caring will keep it away.